Things and Stuff

There hasn't been much to write about, so I am going to keep this short I think.

I have been doing okay. Not great, but okay. My eating needs to get better, but we are going grocery shopping tomorrow so that should help a bit. My water intake has been really bad, and I need to get back on that. I have been just drinking coffee and Vitamin Water Zero lately. Not awful, and MUCH better than drinking soda all the time, but still definitely need to get my water in there. Snacking has been a struggle for me. I've been so bored for the past week or so, and for some reason have been eating out of boredom. Highly unusual for me and something I definitely need to work on.

Feeling Better

Finally feeling better from this stupid cold. I am still a little congested, but that could be from allergies. I'm ready to start working out again. I really think this is going to help a lot of things.

I think by getting back to working out that I am going to start eating better and am going to have more energy. I've had such little energy lately, I hate it. I'm hoping it will put me in a better mood too! Hubby said when I was working out regularly that I was in a better mood. Hoping he was right!

I hope everyone has a great week :)

When Other People Notice

"Have you lost weight?"

I'm sure this a question we all love to here, especially when we have been trying to lose weight. I got to hear it this morning from my neighbor. It was an instant mood and ego booster. While I had already noticed a slight decrease in my gut, my clothes still don't fit any better and I have been in a pretty poop mood about it (as you know from a couple of posts ago). But having that validation that I AM starting to look different is great. Having other people notice your hard work is an awesome feeling. It makes me want to work harder and show people what I am capable of.

I know I am capable of reaching my goal weight. I know I am capable of feeling absolutely incredible and safe in my skin. I know I am capable of becoming healthier and more fit. Do I need other people's validation to know all of this? Absolutely not. I already know all of this. But like I said before, validation from other people is always a great addition.

Down, Down, Down

Had my weigh-in this morning and you'll never believe it: Down 1.3 pounds! I am absolutely amazed. I was so sure I was going to be UP about 1.3 pounds, especially since it's that time of the month and my eating hasn't been so hot lately. Well, at least I thought it hasn't been so hot...maybe it's been better than I thought it has.

My hip is still feeling good. Still a little sore here and there, but nothing that really bothers me. I am going to give it another week I think before I start exercising again. I am so excited to get back into exercising. It's been driving me nuts to just sit around and do nothing like I have been the past couple of weeks. The past few days I've been cleaning up like crazy around the house just so I can get up and move around a little bit.

I Hate the Way I Look and None of My Clothes Fit Right

Things have been...okay; mediocre. As of last week's weigh-in, I'm maintaining at 190. Although, I've let my eating slide a tad. And my water intake has been horrible. I'm in a I-Hate-The-Way-I-Look-None-Of-My-Clothes-Fit-Right funk, and I think that might have something to do with it.

I just wish I had at least ONE outfit (that's not a dress) that freakin' fit me properly. My jeans are either too small and give me bad muffin top, or they're too big and are too baggy and I look ridiculous.  Actually, I think I look ridiculous regardless. This frustrates me. To no freaking end.

On a positive note, my hip is finally starting to feel better. I'm hoping that I can return to working out within this next week. I think I am going to try some yoga this week and see how that goes and if that goes well, I will start back up with Rockin' Body. I have a feeling once I start working out again on a regular basis that I will start feeling better and be in a better mood all around.

Maintaining

That is what I did this week. Maintained. I had an awful weekend with my eating, I think the stress of my back was really getting to me.

Speaking of my back, I am still down and out from exercise because of it. It's mostly my left hip. Awful, awful pain. I am currently doing physical therapy for it. I think I am going to give that a few weeks, and if it's not getting any better I am going to make an appointment to see an orthopedic.

I have a before picture that I have been wondering if I should post. I am still working up the courage to do it. It's fairly embarrassing that I let myself get like this.

Feeling Better

My back is FINALLY feeling better! Although still sore from physical therapy yesterday. I am going to be (trying to) starting Rockin' Body tomorrow and I am SO PUMPED!!

Had my weigh-in today and have lost 2 pounds. This brings me down to 190 and only 5 pounds away from my first mini goal of 185!! This excites me too. It is going to feel SO good to be under 190.

My eating has been alright. Not spectacular, but alright. I need to be eating smaller meals, more frequently. I think I haven't been eating like that because my pain medications have been making me nauseous so I haven't been too hungry in between meals. I am going to stop taking them starting tomorrow so I am hoping that will help as well. I need to start upping my water intake as well. I've only been at 32 ounces the past few days, and the rest of it coffee. Today will be the first time in quite a few days that I have had 64 ounces.

I feel like I am finally right back on track to losing weight, being healthy and getting fit. I wish I had never fallen off in the first place, because I can only imagine where I would be now if I hadn't stopped. But, you can't live in the past and you can only look forward to see where you are going. your future is under your control.

Physical Therapy

Today was my first day of physical therapy. I woke up feeling pretty good, although still with some pain. I am pretty gosh darn sore after my appointment. Did some exercises and stretches that I had not done the last time I was there. Hoping this really helps this time around, although I will not have as much as going on as I did the last time this all happened and will be able to keep all my appointments and continue to go. While my PT did outright tell me my back is a complete mess, she seemed confident that I would be able to resume working out again soon. I hope she is right. Although, knowing how stubborn I am, I will resume working out as soon as I can get around without having pain.

I am just ITCHIN' to get around to doing Rockin' Body!! I hear it's so much fun! I liked Insanity (well, the little bit of it that I did) and I really enjoy Shaun T and the way that he pushes and encourages you to keep pushing through your workout and to DIG DEEPER!
I would love to be able to join a gym and get back into the treadmill. Unforutnately, my location makes that pretty much impossible. There is a YMCA not too far down the road, but it is SO expensive. I would love to try and get back into swimming too. Oh well! Gotta do what you gotta do with what you have. And to be very honest, I have plenty here at home to work with.

My eating has been pretty good. Was a little over my sodium yesterday because I gave into a couple of temptations yesterday. Got a bag of Tyson Honey Barbecue Chicken Strips and Garlic Toast. Could have done without them I think, but oh well. I will probably have the chicken strips for lunch again today, and then try to take it easy with the rest of the day. I think we are having drumsticks for dinner tonight. I usually do mine like wings and make a sauce, but I think I will forego the sauce tonight and just have them plain. Not sure what we are going to have with them. The hubby is sick of potatoes. I might just make the hubby and kid something and make myself a baked potato.

I hope everyone has a healthy and great day. Love XO

Day 3

Today is day 3. Eventually, I won't remember what day I'm on. I'm okay with that.

I have not had much of an appetite the past couple of days. A bit nauseous actually. I think it's the pain medications for my back, which aren't helping anyway so I'm not sure what I am taking them for. I am still going strong on the no soda, and I think it's going to be easy to keep it this way. I tried to have some Mountain Dew the other day and could only drink a half of a can before it made me feel sick to my stomach. I know you can have a lot of weight loss just from cutting out soda, so I am hoping for that, but won't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. My sodium intake has been AWESOME lately, which is a great thing for me because sodium intake is something that can easily get out of control for me. I need to work a bit on my water intake, I've been slacking.

I am starting to get really frustrated with my back. I've been in excruciating pain since yesterday. My left hip has almost completely locked up, which is making it very difficult for me to move around at all. I'm frustrated because all I want to do is work out, and I can't do much. I know that 80% of weight loss is in what I eat, but it doesn't help my frustration any. I FINALLY have the means and motivation to work out and ENJOY it instead of dreading it, and I can't do it. I start physical therapy on Tuesday morning (bright and early) so I am hoping I will have some answers then. I don't think my doctor (well, nurse practitioner) was much help.

Stay strong, and remember, this isn't a diet; this is a lifestyle.

Weight Loss Challenge

Day 1 of my new weight loss journey. It's time to get things moving as much as possible. I have joined a 90 day challenge through my Beach Body Coach. Unfortunately, I have managed to injure my back, once again, so my workouts are on hold for at least the next week. I start physical therapy on Tuesday. However, I will NOT let this get me down like I have in the past. I am NOT giving up. This is it for me. I am GOING to do this, and I am going to this right.

I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want to fit into my pre-Madison jeans. And most of all, I NEED to fit into my wedding dress. It is being given to me. It is a size 8. I haven't been in a size 8 since I was a freshman in college. I know I can do this.

How do I feel deep down inside? How do I feel about myself? I am disgusted with myself. I have a lot of...borderline hatred towards myself. It hurts to know I chose for myself to look this way. I feel so unattractive and ugly...I feel like no one should have to look at me...my body. I am so sick of not having any clothes that fit me properly. My jeans are either too small, or too big. I almost never get dressed anymore because of my clothes not fitting the right way. But, I also refuse to buy more clothes other than a few shirts here and there. I have zero self confidence at the moment, it is pretty much non-existant. My hubby says I have no reason to feel like this, but I don't think he understands what I think about myself.

I try not to wonder if I am on the right path or not. When I start to wonder, is when I start to doubt myself. Then all bets are off. I KNOW I am on the right path now. My mind is made up. I am refusing to look back now. No matter what anyone says, no matter what happens.

There were no pros for the direction I was going. Plenty of cons: Chronic back pain from carrying around so much extra weight, no energy to keep up with my daughter, out of breathe going up ONE flight of stairs. I could go on FOREVER, but I won't. No sense in dwelling on what WAS, it's time to start focusing on what IS.

In the next 90 days, I want to start feeling better about myself. I want to be at the 90 day mark saying “That was AWESOME! Let's do it again!”. I want more energy to run around with my kid. I want to feel GOOD about myself. Most of all, I want to be on the healthy and fit path.